Holiday Cocktails from Your Parents’ Liquor Cabinet

December 10, 2011 § Leave a comment

The “Dad”

  • 1 oz. Jim Beam
  • splash tap water
Combine in repurposed Pokémon-themed jelly jar. Add ice to taste while complaining about lack of proper barware.

 

The “9th Grade Sleepover”

  • 1 oz. gin
  • 1 oz. vodka
  • 1 oz. Cointreau
  • 2 oz. flat Diet Coke
  • 2 oz. water

Combine first four ingredients in mostly-empty Diet Coke bottle; replace missing gin and vodka with water. Serve warm and furtive.

 

The “Company’s Coming”

  • Box wine, to taste
  • Glass decanter

Pour wine into decanter; serve with dinner. Feign ignorance when asked about varietal or provenance.

 

The “I Think This Is How You Make a Mudslide”

  • 1 oz. Bailey’s
  • 1 oz. Kahlúa
  • 2 oz. 1% milk
  • Vodka?

Combine. Wonder if Bailey’s has curdled. Garnish with sugar cookie and drink anyway.

 

The “Training Wheels”

  • scant 1 oz. vodka
  • full glass orange juice
Pour vodka into orange juice. Complain loudly about how it tastes awful and everyone else gets to drive alone with just a learner’s permit and THIS FAMILY SUCKS

 

The “World Tour”

  • 1 oz. duty-free vodka (Russia)
  • 1 oz. Johnnie Walker (Scotland)
  • 1 oz. Campari (Italy?)
  • 1 oz. Coyote-themed Tequila (Mexico)
  • 1 oz. mystery liqueur, left over from reception from a wedding that has since begotten two children (Texas)

Combine in highball glass, stir gently. Family member with the most passport stamps drinks.

 

The “Nightcap”

  • 2 oz. expired Children’s Dimetapp

Serve at room temperature, neat.

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