Future Old People of America

April 13, 2011 § 1 Comment

Are you one? These days I feel like a charter member and the most grandmaliest one of all. It would be troubling if I were at all concerned with being cool.

Listen to my routine these days: Wake up at 6:15 to twingey back. Have and enjoy tea and oatmeal for breakfast. Dress in cardigan and sweater tights. Walk to work and despair about newfangled email settings. Eat brown-bag lunch*. Spend time in library. Squint at signs in gym locker room, unable to see without glasses on. Home for tea #2 and classical music with homework. Make soup. Eat soup. Cozy up with a copy of Real Simple while baking cookies. Get tired by 9:45; be unable to sleep.

When someone says “party,” I hope they mean “dinner,” because the other kind is exhausting and I like to go to bed early. I don’t drink coffee because it’s too jitter-inducing. I found myself using the word “slacks” the other day and I meant it. I would probably have a cat if I weren’t so allergic. I own two aprons and my favorite part of the week is baking bread.

What I’m trying to say is: am I alone? Could we maybe form a support group? I’m only 21; I have so much fun potential ahead of me! But mostly all I can think about is how much I enjoy public radio and Twinings’ Lady Grey!

The only upside is that maybe when I’m 65 and retired from my lucrative career of [TBD], I’ll get a second wind and become a total badass. Like one of Monty Python’s Killer Grannies! That’d be awesome.

*Well, technically it’s a plastic bag. But! Recycling!

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