Recipes to thwart death

April 3, 2011 § Leave a comment

I’m one of those jerkoffs who gets to say things like “oh, I never get sick.” Sorry if this makes you resent me. But it’s true. I am seldom bogged down by colds, flus, or anything more debilitating than the run-of-the-mill physical side effects of crippling anxiety.

Except right now, of course. I’m dying.

Not really! Let’s hope, anyway. But I do have a terrible sinus infection (I think? I’m not sure I’ve ever had one before) and I sound like a Bea Arthur over a bad connection. The anthropomorphic mucus globs from the TV ads have come to visit, and they just booked a stay in my face.

Anyway, as much as I love Nyquil and Sudafed, I’ve been trying this whole new “actually taking care of myself” thing that involves, as is my wont, cooking a lot of stuff. And because I’m just soooo generous, I thought I’d share what I’ve whipped up.

Herbal teas
These make you feel a lot less like dying, and they don’t even taste that medicinal. Hooray!

  • 1ish cup of mint leaves, roughly chopped, or 1 knob of ginger, sliced thin
  • Lemon slices
  • Optional: stick cinnamon, cloves, cayenne pepper (really)

Throw the mint or ginger in a saucepan and add about a mason jar’s worth of water, plus a little extra to drink right away. Bring it to a boil, then turn down the heat to a low simmer. (I usually boil it in the electric kettle, then move to the stove. I think this saves gas and thus money, but IDK why). Add optional ingredients, if you so opt, and heat for 5 or 8 minutes. Pour through a strainer into a mug, then pour the rest through the strainer into a jar for later and stick it in the fridge. Add honey and drink, trying to get as much of the steam into your sinuses as possible.

Organic, All-Natural Nyquil
Note: I did make this, and it did taste kind of disgusting. But I slept okay, so it worked! (?) Anyway, if you’re averse to “chemicals” then I suppose this is the curative for you!

  • 2 cups mint leaves
  • 1 cup honey
  • 1 lemon, zested, then juiced
  • 1/2 tsp. cayenne pepper
  • 1 tbsp. olive oil
  • 1 knob ginger, cut into matchstick size bits
  • 1 minibottle Southern Comfort

Make a mint syrup by boiling half the leaves with a cup of water for 5-8 minutes. Strain out the leaves, bring it back to a boil (or forget to do so, like I did), and add the honey. Cook for a minute, until it thickens. Put the lemon juice, ginger, cayenne, and other cup of mint leaves into a blender (or use your possibly broken immersion blender, like I did) and add the syrup. Blend. Ta-da, gross juice stuff! It’s even kind of green, ish! Throw the zest in the olive oil and let it sit. Meanwhile, mix the juice with the SoCo in a 1/1 ratio, and add a little olive oil (no, I really have no idea what the oil is for). Mix with your finger, pinch your nose, and down it in your hatch. You will sleep like a child.

Chicken Soup
I’ve heard this called “Jewish penicillin” and I can’t decide if that’s offensive or just unscientific. Either way, it is delicious.

  • 2 leftover hunks of chicken (I used thighs) shredded
  • 3 potatoes, in chunks
  • 5-6 carrots, in coins
  • 1 onion, chopped
  • 5-6 cloves garlic (this, apparently, can cure cancer, so go ahead, use tons), chopped
  • 5 cups chicken broth (or bouillon paste mixed with water. Salty!)
  • 1 can white beans, drained
  • 1 can tomatoes
  • 1 bunch kale, leaves shredded

Add everything, except the kale, to your crock pot* and cook for 6-8 hours on low. Add kale and cook another 15 or so minutes until it wilts and looks flaccid. Eat lots. Sniffle.

*You mean you don’t have one? Lame.


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