Requiem for a Stretchy Pant

February 17, 2011 § 2 Comments

It became evident upon attempting to dress myself yesterday morning that it was going to be Laundry Day. This already traumatic experience was compounded by the fact that I had decided, in my infinite wisdom, to go for a run as my clothes were drying. Multitasking! Only, it required a bit of foreplanning: I needed an outfit that was athletic-ish but not dirty enough to be washed yet.

As an erratic exerciser, I only own two reliable pairs of stretchy pants. One are some fancy Under Armor™ deals with fuzzy insides and a tie-thing at the waist, which had suffered enough recent visits to the gym that I elected to put them out of their mercy in the washing machine. That leaves my reliable, dutiful, comfortable original pair of stretchy pants. I’ve had them since around Christmas of junior year of high school, when I had asked for long underwear (?) and received a cozy pair of Hot Chillies brand black pants. I fell in love with their form-fitting and sweat-inducing fabric and wore the crap out of them, at everywhere from tennis practice* to choir rehearsal to yoga class to having schoolwork-induced meltdowns on my kitchen floor. I daringly wore them to school one day and was derided for being ignorant of the whole “leggings aren’t pants” rule. “But they’re not leggings! They’re ski pants,” I insisted, although I wasn’t sure if ski pants were even a thing. I had them on when I took the SATs and I was inexplicably wearing them during my first kiss. In sum, these pants are significant pants. Significant stretchy pants.

But yesterday, they were nowhere to be found. Nowhere! Even after more rummaging through dirty laundry than I ever care to do again, even after yanking open every drawer in my broken and unopenable dresser, I could not locate them. Instead, I had to go running in an ill-fitting pair of orange shorts purchased at Wal-Mart in 10th grade (which, despite their advanced age, do not have the same kind of backstory. They’re just ugly)

Lost to the annals of history? Misplaced? Overdue for a donation to Salvy? Only time will tell. I’d like to think there’s a kind of symbolism to losing these pants, something about growing up and letting go and blah blah blah, but in reality, I just really want them back.

*Hahahaha remember when high school forced you to do sports? ‘Cause I’ve repressed those memories!


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