Holiday Cocktails from Your Parents’ Liquor Cabinet
December 10, 2011 § Leave a Comment
The “Dad”
- 1 oz. Jim Beam
- splash tap water
Combine in repurposed Pokémon-themed jelly jar. Add ice to taste while complaining about lack of proper barware.
The “9th Grade Sleepover”
- 1 oz. gin
- 1 oz. vodka
- 1 oz. Cointreau
- 2 oz. flat Diet Coke
- 2 oz. water
Combine first four ingredients in mostly-empty Diet Coke bottle; replace missing gin and vodka with water. Serve warm and furtive.
The “Company’s Coming”
- Box wine, to taste
- Glass decanter
Pour wine into decanter; serve with dinner. Feign ignorance when asked about varietal or provenance.
The “I Think This Is How You Make a Mudslide”
- 1 oz. Bailey’s
- 1 oz. Kahlúa
- 2 oz. 1% milk
- Vodka?
Combine. Wonder if Bailey’s has curdled. Garnish with sugar cookie and drink anyway.
The “Training Wheels”
- scant 1 oz. vodka
- full glass orange juice
Pour vodka into orange juice. Complain loudly about how it tastes awful and everyone else gets to drive alone with just a learner’s permit and THIS FAMILY SUCKS
The “World Tour”
- 1 oz. duty-free vodka (Russia)
- 1 oz. Johnnie Walker (Scotland)
- 1 oz. Campari (Italy?)
- 1 oz. Coyote-themed Tequila (Mexico)
- 1 oz. mystery liqueur, left over from reception from a wedding that has since begotten two children (Texas)
Combine in highball glass, stir gently. Family member with the most passport stamps drinks.
The “Nightcap”
- 2 oz. expired Children’s Dimetapp
Serve at room temperature, neat.
